A little update
Hi friends! It’s me, the one who runs this place…kinda. I swear every time I say a blog post is coming it always falls through the cracks. There’s a reason for that and that’s what I wanted to talk about today, so here’s a little update for you.
Last year I made a lot of changes to my life, both personally and professionally. As I have been open about (because I think it’s important), I completely stopped my use of benzodiazepines that I had been prescribed on and off for the past 10 years of my life. I made the choice to take life into my own hands and by doing so I started therapy, which is something I believe can be helpful to everyone. Hello, you pay someone to listen without judgement and they HAVE TO. How amazing is that?! Most everyone who knows me knows that this downward spiral stemmed from losing my father 11 years ago. I was 21, life was just beginning and starting to make sense, and suddenly Cancer stole the man who hung the moon from me. It was tough, to say the least. Benzo’s kept my mind off it and well, if I’m completely honest, off everything else as well. I had a major breakthrough one day while at the beach last year and decided upon my return I wanted to take my life back. I wanted to have control, understand and navigate my feelings and live life to the fullest again. Sidenote: My medication was never abused or taken outside of my daily dosages. What I didn’t know was that benzo’s are not always meant to be a long term medication, at least not the kind I was on. What should have been prescribed for 6 months as a helping hand to therapy was given to me for 2 years as a full dose with no other help from the outside. While medications can help with some people this was not the case for me.
In September, the day after we returned from the beach, I stopped taking my medication. Unbeknownst to me, this wasn’t the smartest thing to do on my own and I did have horrible, aching, sickly withdraws, but I refused to go back. I haven’t taken a single one since and that was just the beginning of me regaining my life.
Something else that can be just as mind controlling and addicting (and is oddly taboo to talk about) that I weaned myself from was social media. While I am still active (for my business) on Instagram, I did a complete deletion of my Facebook. I actually downloaded a tool that deleted all past posts, comments, images, messages, everything from the past 11 years. Have you ever looked back at what you put out there 11 years ago? Or even 5? We evolve and change so much over that time and I look back at how naive I was. I was living for people I barely knew or kept in touch with, giving them the details of my life, while getting nothing but instant gratification in return. Then came F.O.M.O. I’m sure most of you have heard of it by now – the Fear Of Missing Out. Watching everyone elses’ highlight reel (because let’s be honest, we rarely post the bad or everyday boring moments) and comparing my life. Why wasn’t my business doing better? Why wasn’t my house always spotless? Why can’t I go to the gym and still look beautiful and then run 50 errands that day on top of cooking an amazing meal and still fulfilling the needs of those around me? Let’s just say, I got tired of feeling like that really quickly.
This past year has felt like I was slowly floating to the top after being submerged under water for so long and I finally hit the top, took a big gasp of fresh air, looked around me and said “So THIS is what real life is?!” Let me tell you…life outside of social media is beautiful. People are kind. People listen, say please and thank you, smile at you, help you without you asking. We have had multiple nights with friends (planned over text or the phone! GASP!) where we cooked for each other, played games, went camping or to events. I’ve lost close to 15 pounds from spending quality time at the gym. I’ve read countless new books and even bought a Kindle so my bag wasn’t so heavy with books when I went out.
I saw that life outside of social media still goes on. People are beautiful and kind and not everything is a meme or sad. Yes, there is still bad in this world but it isn’t in our face 24/7 which makes a tremendous difference to your well being! This has been one of the best years yet for my business and in fact, 2018 is almost completely booked up.
Another step I took which is a more personal one for me was regaining my faith I abandoned years ago. When I was sad and angry and didn’t understand the impact death could have I lashed out and blamed everyone. Without going into a lot of detail, because again, I believe every person’s path is private, I started a daily devotional and journaling. Every morning starts out with a cup of coffee and devotional before I even start my day. In an odd way, this too has shaped my business in a better light. The people that I surround myself with at shoots (makeup artists and clients alike) are women of dignity, faith, and light. They are real, keep me grounded, and true to themselves and those they love. It’s amazing to see the shift in your life when you change your mindset and open yourself to better opportunities, especially without fear of what others think.
I guess all of this is to say…if you’ve had a tough time, please be kind to yourself and consider making changes that may seem hard or scary at first. I could write a book just on how much my life has changed from leaving Facebook alone. I have listened to thousands of Podcasts, ran miles upon miles at the gym, taken time to heal myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. If you’re still dedicated to social media you might know this term, but 2018 has been my Glow-Up year and it’s only September. If you are able to handle social media and cut it off and separate it from your real life then that is great…but for those of us who KNOW we spend too much time online (phone, computer, it’s everywhere), consider taking a break and see how your life changes.
In the end, I found out that I prefer to keep my life more simple and private. This may be why I’ve found it hard to blog, which stinks because I used to LOVE blogging. Perhaps I’ll come back around to it and share things that I do find helpful and of course share my beautiful clients. I mostly just want to be living these days, though…not stuck in front of a screen.
To wrap up, as I mentioned above – 2018 is almost completely booked! If you’re looking for a shoot this year, get in touch NOW to reserve your spot. I’m even booking into March of 2019 so please plan wisely!
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Thank you all for taking the time to read, hopefully apply some of this to your life, and I’ll leave you with some favorite images from recent sessions.